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Joke Section
DAK- coolio
Number of posts : 704
Age : 29
Location : in my room on the computor
Job/hobbies : swimming kungfu and golf
Registration date : 2008-08-29
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- Post n°601
Re: Joke Section
ya u lost
Admin~SUZI~- Admin
Number of posts : 1967
Age : 29
Location : at that time at that place with those people!
Job/hobbies : volleyball,violin,& guitar!
Registration date : 2008-07-15
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- Post n°602
Re: Joke Section
lllllllooooossssstttttt!!!!!!!!!!! gone and gone forever.
Paddy- coolio
Number of posts : 907
Age : 29
Location : not near you
Job/hobbies : my room
Registration date : 2008-09-07
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- Post n°603
Re: Joke Section
iz that a song?
Admin~SUZI~- Admin
Number of posts : 1967
Age : 29
Location : at that time at that place with those people!
Job/hobbies : volleyball,violin,& guitar!
Registration date : 2008-07-15
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Moderator: ;-)
- Post n°604
Re: Joke Section
no....why did it sound like one?
"Come Right Out And Say It"
I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say
Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable
[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear
I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up
[Chorus]
And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking
^^^^ those r lyrics
"Come Right Out And Say It"
I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say
Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable
[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear
I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up
[Chorus]
And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking
^^^^ those r lyrics
Paddy- coolio
Number of posts : 907
Age : 29
Location : not near you
Job/hobbies : my room
Registration date : 2008-09-07
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Moderator: 4
- Post n°605
Re: Joke Section
who iz dat by?
Admin~SUZI~- Admin
Number of posts : 1967
Age : 29
Location : at that time at that place with those people!
Job/hobbies : volleyball,violin,& guitar!
Registration date : 2008-07-15
Character sheet
Moderator: ;-)
- Post n°606
Re: Joke Section
ummm, Relient K
DAK- coolio
Number of posts : 704
Age : 29
Location : in my room on the computor
Job/hobbies : swimming kungfu and golf
Registration date : 2008-08-29
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Moderator: 4
- Post n°607
Re: Joke Section
i think back on topic
Brent is bored- Moderator
Number of posts : 951
Age : 29
Location : somewhere
Job/hobbies : golf, football, gators play,
Registration date : 2008-09-10
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Moderator: 4
- Post n°608
Re: Joke Section
good thinking dakota
Admin~SUZI~- Admin
Number of posts : 1967
Age : 29
Location : at that time at that place with those people!
Job/hobbies : volleyball,violin,& guitar!
Registration date : 2008-07-15
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Moderator: ;-)
- Post n°609
Re: Joke Section
u think what? ok, anyone have some jokes? i mean...look @ da title...
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
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Moderator: 4
- Post n°610
Re: Joke Section
there were two blondes, and they had just came from a store.
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
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- Post n°611
Re: Joke Section
Q. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A. It swells at night.
A. It swells at night.
Admin~SUZI~- Admin
Number of posts : 1967
Age : 29
Location : at that time at that place with those people!
Job/hobbies : volleyball,violin,& guitar!
Registration date : 2008-07-15
Character sheet
Moderator: ;-)
- Post n°612
Re: Joke Section
![Smile](https://2img.net/i/fa/i/smiles/icon_smile.gif)
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
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Moderator: 4
- Post n°613
Re: Joke Section
TOP 10 REASONS (minus 1) WHY SOME MEN FAVOR HANDGUNS OVER WOMEN
10 - YOU CAN TRADE IN AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE
ON THE ROAD.
8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.
7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.
6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.
5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.
4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.
3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"
2 - ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.
10 - YOU CAN TRADE IN AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE
ON THE ROAD.
8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.
7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.
6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.
5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.
4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.
3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"
2 - ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
Character sheet
Moderator: 4
- Post n°614
Re: Joke Section
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium, he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yardline.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man says "No."
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?!"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."
"Well, that's really sad," said Joe, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?" "No," the man replies, "They're all at the funeral."
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man says "No."
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?!"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."
"Well, that's really sad," said Joe, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?" "No," the man replies, "They're all at the funeral."
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
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- Post n°615
Re: Joke Section
this one relates to last years flag football team~~~~~~To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.
Admin~SUZI~- Admin
Number of posts : 1967
Age : 29
Location : at that time at that place with those people!
Job/hobbies : volleyball,violin,& guitar!
Registration date : 2008-07-15
Character sheet
Moderator: ;-)
- Post n°616
Re: Joke Section
A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"
that one was good.
that one was good.
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
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Moderator: 4
- Post n°617
Re: Joke Section
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
Character sheet
Moderator: 4
- Post n°618
Re: Joke Section
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
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Moderator: 4
- Post n°619
Re: Joke Section
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
Character sheet
Moderator: 4
- Post n°620
Re: Joke Section
Teenager is...
A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.
A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.
Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.
A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license.
A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study.
An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.
A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.
A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert.
A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.
A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.
A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.
Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.
A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license.
A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study.
An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.
A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.
A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert.
A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.
A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
Character sheet
Moderator: 4
- Post n°621
Re: Joke Section
After a lose on american idol~~~ and actual quote~~~"I handled my loss well -- I gathered my belongings, said my goodbyes and keyed the crap out of Simon's car"
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
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Moderator: 4
- Post n°622
Re: Joke Section
heres one with some morals
A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it. At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into %^&# is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of %^&# is your friend
3. If you are in %^&#, keep your mouth shut
A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it. At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into %^&# is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of %^&# is your friend
3. If you are in %^&#, keep your mouth shut
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
Character sheet
Moderator: 4
- Post n°623
Re: Joke Section
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
Character sheet
Moderator: 4
- Post n°624
Re: Joke Section
Message from a tax payer
Dear Internal Revenue Service:
Enclosed you will find my 2005 tax return showing that I
owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article
from the USA Today newspaper, dated 12 November, wherein
you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.
I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six
(6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5 " Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience.
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer
Dear Internal Revenue Service:
Enclosed you will find my 2005 tax return showing that I
owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article
from the USA Today newspaper, dated 12 November, wherein
you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.
I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six
(6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5 " Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience.
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer
Jason- coolio
Number of posts : 755
Age : 29
Location : between mars and venus
Job/hobbies : WERE?!?!?! AAAAHHHHHH RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFFFFFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Registration date : 2008-09-09
Character sheet
Moderator: 4
- Post n°625
Re: Joke Section
OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road.
The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it.
The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"
The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it.
The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"
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