Joke Section

hi

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

hehehe

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.


Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

nice paddy

chuck norris doesnt read books... he stares them down till he gets the information he wants

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.



Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

i like these jokes alot!!!

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.


Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

ok, im done again today! check it again tomorrow for more!!!!!

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris



Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.



Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

jk... get it? jk!!! oops i forgot a symbol J&K there we go ^_^ btw loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

lets get on a new topic

ya, this is uh, idk.

one day 3 guys were kidnaped bye canibals in their sleep and brought before the cheif. so he says "since we like to sport for our food ill give you all 1 chance to escape. but if you fail well eat you and use your skins for canoes" the 1st guy imediatly asks for a gun and storms out shooting any canibals he sees. until he runs out of ammo... so they turn him into a canoe. the 2nd man asks for a horse. he got pretty far until he falls in a ditch... they make a canoe out of him to... the 3rd guy asks for... A FORK. the cheif asks. "why do you want a fork?" "you said i could have anything i want... AND I WANT A FORK!!!" after much whining and crying they give him a fork. imediatly he starts stabing himself screaming "LETS SEE YOU MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS!!!!!!!!!"

hey!!!!! this one is soooo cool!!!!!!

JASON that was really funneh...lolz

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
the car!"

btw suzi... fix my rank now plz

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool so funny

ok jason...hold on im getting so many questions!

A couple of strangers were drinking at a cliffside bar overlooking
the ocean. Both of them look a little drunk, when one says to
the other: "Hey, look at the wind whipping up the side of that
cliff. It moves pretty fast. I'll bet I could jump off of the
ledge, catch the wind in my coat, and get lifted right back up to
the bar!"

"No way", says the other guy, "you'd fall to your death."

"Well, I'm going to try it!", says the first, and at that he walks
over, stands on the ledge, and leaps off in a swan dive. Sure
enough, he comes sailing back up in no time, and lands on his feet
right in front of the bar.

"I can't believe it!" says the second guy, "that's impossible" .
So the first drunk does it again: he jumps off the cliff, catches
the wind in his coat, and comes sailing back to the bar.

"Go ahead", he says, "try it, it's great!"

"Well, OK, I'm just drunk enough to give it a go", says the second
fellow. So he climbs the ledge and leaps off the cliff, only to
fall screaming to his death on the rocks below.

The first guy walks back to the bar and sits down to his drink.
The bartender steps over, looks him in the eye, and says to him:
"You know, you can be a real jerk sometimes when you've been
drinking, Superman".

im sorry......this is terribly mean =( but it was funny lol!

w0w....that was odd.